Sameness

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We’ve spent 9 of the past 12 summer vacations in the same part of the North Carolina mountains. In fact, we’re there right now.

My favorite way to keep things familiar is to bring our dog, Charlie, along. We’ve also stayed multiple years in the same rental house, eaten at the same restaurants, and visited the same attractions.

By keeping certain parts of the trip constant, we’ve been able to get James comfortable enough to accept all sorts of changes and new experiences. After three summers mulling it over and driving past, he finally tried — and loved — zip lining.

And get this: it may sound like a small thing, but it’s HUGE. We always stop for fast food on the long drive up to NC. This time, James took a break from his just-the-meat-and-the-bun-please hamburger to try my fully dressed cheeseburger.

The more we respect what James needs to keep constant, the more of those inevitable changes, disappointments, and novelties he can tolerate.

Here’s how I do it:

Planning: Repeat parts of an old vacation. Even if we go to a new place, we can stay in the same chain hotel on the way, bring the same pet, eat pizza the first night.

Packing: Comfort items, of course. But also specific types of snack or breakfast food that might be hard to find where we’re going.

Daily scheduling: There’s no need to stick to a rigid schedule just to keep things organized. The weather in the mountains is liable to scuttle any plans we make anyway. We make a list of must-do traditional activities and sprinkle the calendar with these, checking them off as we go. This way we can show James that some preferred event has already happened or is upcoming.

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After: We make photo albums and reminisce to our hearts’ content. Nowadays, it’s the inconsistencies we remember fondly, not the same old stuff.

Further reading:

My essay in Ann Arbor Family about anxiety.

My essay on Brain Child about James’s long-ago fear of hand dryers.

 

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